I want to write this down before I forget the details. I might have already forgotten some of them. The dream I woke up to this morning left a feeling in my chest. Overall, I'd say the dominate emotion was love and fear.
My family and I, along with friends and strangers, were hiding from the Nazis. During the night we would have to retreat into these safe places. Sometimes in a building with windows, an attic, or a warehouse. I just remember being on this one floor that was like a loft space in one of the top floors of a building. I could see all the lights and the rest of the city. I found my family and I stayed close to them, just trying to get through the night. This went on for some time and I remember very specifically returning to one of the various hideouts when the sun started setting. I can't remember what I was doing, but I do remember we were in a rush to get to safety and asking if this was dawn or dusk. We had to hurry.
I'm not sure where this frame fits but it was day brake and they found us. They opened the warehouse door and a stream of hall light came in. The crowd of us became divided by this stream of sunlight. I was on the side that had no escape. I was separated from part of my family. I had to push a little kid out of the light, to avoid exposing all of us. With all the stealth we could muster, we would pass the light and move to the other side of the space and advance towards the other side of the warehouse towards cover in case they came in.
In the end, we were exposed. They came in and started their policy of harassment. I left at one point to use the bathroom (strange right? For the seriousness of the moment...) I could hear them outside, threatening us. Like they were playing a game with our lives. One of those if you don't do this, we could very easily kill __(fill in the blank)__. I heard them say, if no one spoke up for Tiffany's, they would kill every single one. I guess enough people did, because I lived.
We were placed into this camp, but it was a very grand camp. It was beautiful, old school decor. Like an old hotel they just made into very strict dorms. I was polite and humble when I asked the officer what to do with me. He told me I was roomed with my brother. I was lead to my room and then again asked as politely as I could if I could take a shower.
I get in the shower, only to find a German already in there. We were hiding from everyone else. He was my lover. I begged him to go, that he would get us both killed. He refused and professed his love. So I accepted it for that moment. The door opens and two German females stick their heads in. They ask if he was there and I said no. They laughed and said they think so, they saw his uniform next to my clothes. I'm afraid by then, for both of us.
There are gaps in my memory. I am sitting with my father and my love is in the bathroom. We are all drinking. Three higher ranked Nazis enter the room and I sit up as straight as possible. I'm scared for all of us. My father won't act right, he thinks we have some kind of immunity because I am involved with the enemy. My love comes out, visibly drunk...I don't remember anything else.
I woke up, feeling the strangest sense of attraction, a closeness to my nameless lover. I am ultimately confused. I had a second dream when I went back to sleep, of a drill Sargent. I felt like he was the incarnation of my Nazi lover. The attraction was overwhelming and mutual, but for societal reasons we had to avoid it.
I don't know what any of this means. I don't really have time to think about it right now, but I surely do not want to forget it. Maybe I'll come back later for an evaluation, I don't even have time to proofread. I just remember how I feel and I am really wondering why, because it feels so wrong.
