Fortune cookie wisdom

Oh boyfriend troubles. Happens to most of us and the best of us don't it? That's excluding the strict hetero-males out there. I don't know how it got into my skull that I was special enough to be exempt from it. I suppose it's that sense of self-entitlement I've nurtured in the sunny patch of my secret garden. Funny the way we savor the fruits of self-imposed delusions.

"Oh, that will never happen to me ...

BECAUSE I WILL DIP AND SPLIT AT THE SLIGHTEST SIGN OF TROUBLE"

That's right folks. When the going (or the loving) gets tough, I get gone. Unless it's the right kind of "tough" loving I like. We know what I'm getting at. See, I've never been dumped before. Except for that one time, which gets diluted by the string of break-up-make-up that summed up a juvenile relationship I ended permanently (two years later). A large part of that has to do with the fact that I will see myself out the door long before I can establish emotional bonds. Without a moments notice nor hesitation. Ok, that's the whole reason I've never been dumped before. Or it could be that I'm just a secret siren who captivates the integrity of men and they just can't leave. right.

To the unaided eye, you could say most girls have a beating heart. Me? I've traded mine in for a canary in a cage. Got it off a coal miner who quit the trade. Figured it'd save my life one day. Because oh, the way it hurts! To be cheated out of sincerity. Right when you thought to yourself "I've finally found some security". But it just ain't the truth. It seems some of us just don't hold the same values. They're just a sweetheart dealer in it for the fame. They've been doing it since they were knee high to a grasshopper, addicted to the game. So, don't blame me for taking out a full coverage insurance policy. With all the dogs roaming these empty streets, you'd be a fool not to take some drastic measures to ensure the protection of your private property. i.e. your heart.

Still, I'm not quite convinced I've auctioned the whole organ away. Call me a sentimental creature but I've saved a piece to peek at on rainy days. Just the ragged corner end to remind me that one day I'll meet someone who'll work with what's left. Since the scraps are all I've got to bargain with. I've looked for the missing pieces long enough from the ones who took them, ate them raw and shit them out. All the wishing won't get those pieces back, they're as good as fertilizer anyways. Sure, this heart might be broken and torn from use, but I'll cut you a honest deal I hope won't get refused.

They day you think no one can touch you will be the moment they wreck your sorry ass. I learned that being a tough cookie means never crumbling, but who really wants to eat that cookie? The one that's been left out longer than the rest of the package to dry up by it's lonesome. It's not a tasty morsel. Rather, it's more savory to be that soft 'n chewy and in this case a little nutty

Hustle and Flow

Slowly. Ever so slowly I'm turning these cranky, rusted, mental gears back into motion. So, it's apparent I've taken a hiatus from any sort of academic work. Actually, I've been pretty lazy. Period. If you could track my productivity, it flat lined completely. Mail strewn about mostly unread, some unopened. All my papers, printouts, textbooks, etc have just been piled on the floor, under my desk, on top of my dresser, leaving just enough room to get from door to bed, bed to closet. It's more like I use my room as storage while finding more comfortable spots to lay my head, e.g., next to his.

So my medical laboratory scientist, MLS (ASCP) examination is scheduled for October 6th. That's just one day short of a month to prepare for the biggest, baddest, exam I've taken thus far. Alright, I'm being dramatic - but it is of utmost importance. Everything I learned (or neglected to learn) is going to determine if I get to tack an acronym onto the back of my already lengthy name. My first acronym! I am so very close, I can almost taste the alphabet soup.

Summer is quietly retreating into to the year and early signs of fall have been at the edges of my vision. Fall is my favorite season, I feel like it's more lively than spring. You can hear the wind and feel the air. The explosion of color on every tree forces me to slow my steps in order to capture the entire spectrum of the season. I have more associations with the autumn than I can count. Maybe it's the persistence of bon fires and free flowing beer around them. Maybe it's the chill at dusk that makes you cuddle a little closer to your babe. Maybe it's that budding feeling of something new, something happening right on horizon.

The Earth blinks once and it'll be a new year soon. It's time to wrap it up and say you did something this year. If you haven't then you better hustle! The silly little dreams I glued together as a little girl are fitting into the frame wood of early adulthood! Now, to start building a foundation for the next generation of hopes and dreams which I will soon reveal after this first milestone.