It's coming so soon. SO SOON. Last set of finals for my undergraduate career coming to a bittersweet close. I feel like I'm breaking it off with an long time lover. It is a breakup, for sure. Sadness? None. Just a little nostalgia around the rim. Makes the picture fuzzy as I recall all that time spent feeding my head. All the blood, sweat, and tears. Long hours into the night, toiling, toiling, toiling, and nothing more. Sometimes avoiding the text. Most times spending those nights wrapped up in my orgy of books. Nothing in my non substantial life has fulfilled me so, driven me to tears, and encouragingly pushed me forward. Nothing.
My college days were typical in some ways, but not really what I expected. To be honest, I never expected to make it this far. Held my expectations low to the ground thinking that I'd just get an excusal piece of paper and get the fuck out. To do what again? Who knows what my 18 year old heart was thinking then...just that I had to run away to some place. That somewhere far away would be what I needed to find. I'd chance it.
It's by the grace of the Gods and no other that I have been delivered here. Saw the source of the shadows and tracing the walls of the tunnel I've found a way out. Honestly, I think it was more then serendipity that opened doors for me. Intervention of some ethereal kind that directed my eyes towards the audacity to believe in myself. I remember the exact moment, the way my eyes popped and my heart flared, when I saw what would be my guide during troubled times.
Einstein said something that's been sticking close to my heart/brain hybrid organ. He said that if he had gone to graduate school immediately following his undergraduate, he would not have had his sense of creativity that aided in discovery. That if he had gone the typical course 1.2.3 he would have learned what others learned. Did what others did. That he would either have to publish or parish. I take these words to heart. No sense boldly rushing into things, boldly going no where. If my heart is not in it, I will not go! If it take me several years of searching to find that subject that tugs at my heart strings and I never happen to find it, I will abandon my idea of graduate school. There. I said it.
Oh college days, so soon I'll be going away. Leaving you to your younger lovers as I go on the chase. Growing up and going on to the next place. What will be in store for me? The world? The sea? The rest of eternity? This time I'll be more prepared, to see the chances where I choose to care. Tee Hee <3
The Skinny
- Jie Hua
- Detroit, Mi
- I'm in the process. I'd like to expand on that, but it's in the process. I go about my business under the guidance of gut-feelings and universal street signs. I see myself as a very quiet person. Not because I have little to say, only that my abundant thoughts know not where to start. As a child I fantasized about looking through a telescope to give me truth about the world. It amuses me now that what I am doing is looking down a microscope in an effort to reevaluate my holistic position. I am a loner, a drifter, a dreamer.
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