Good girls doing bad things

I need to regurgitate thought and make some room for coagulation. Not sure where to begin. I am strangely calm for such a hectic time in the semester. Could be because this feeling is shared with some of my nearest and it's always soothing to know others are with you: when you want to cry, when you're not sure where to go, when you feel so alone. I will probably not be this put together come tomorrow.
Good talks are hard to come by. People who you can vent to are even scarcer. My endurance come from the friends and people I surround myself with. They feed the good juju that my little body engine runs on. They don't know how much it means to me that they've made room for me in their hearts and their families. To make me their sister, their child's godmother, their bridesmaid this summer.
Lately I've been pondering what is more important? Obligations to family and community or the pursuit of personal happiness. One is more selfish then the other, but I can't decipher this from that. I suffer from an excess of love, like I should be sorry that I do things for my own sense of peace. Peace. Maybe that trumps everything else? You can almost pinpoint where I'm tearing in half with indecision.

So in lieu of this personal conflict I've constructed a (very personal and secret) project. It won't be easy for me to do, since it's so easy for me just to do as I please. Indulging every carnal pleasure has been my track record. Still, I think if I can achieve this I will be more at peace. If everything works out as I hypothesis, we will all be happy in the end!**

**When I say we I chiefly mean you and me
Shit, can't make the whole world happy.