Testing. Testing. 6 6 6

I think it's time for a moral reality check. As much as I'd like to ignore all my ethical trespasses, I can't bring myself to do so for much longer. It only takes until the night, when I'm alone, long enough for me to stew on my actions to know what I did was wrong. Lord, I'd like to ignore so many things. The path to atonement starts with owning your sins. I must admit, I've done somethings -many things, wrong. I'm not just guilty for my actions, but it's my intentions will be what condemn me.

I know better but seldom do I act better. If I can put space between whats right and wrong, chances are I will justify the shit out of them until they some how seem less bad - arguably better. I use to live by a moral code of conduct. I've always kept the three fold law close to my heart. So when I know I did something to another that would break my heart to pieces if done to me, I begin to feed this fear within. Setting myself up for severe pain, so much that I cause my own to avoid another imposing it on me. Funny the way karma works. I've consistently been on the lookout for other people hurting me, but I've been punishing myself for years.
Still, even with all this guilt, paranoia, and remorse - there is a big part of me that tells me I will most likely go on sinning the way I enjoy. What is so wrong with me that I don't have to will to quit hurting people? Am I really that selfish? When it comes down to it, do I have a container for my soul? If I didn't know, that would be one thing. But I know better, I know I'm hurting people and myself in the process. I know it's not worth it. Still, I continue to do it. I continue to feed the monster bits of my flesh. It's never enough, its hunger consuming. In the end will I be skin and bones, or will it want those as well?