Maternal Connections

My grandmother called me two days ago. She had come down with a cold and is in the stage of recovery. It's strange to me that my grams is sick. In all the years she lived with us, she was sick (that's excluding car sick) only a handful of times. Seldom enough for us to make the blanket statement, "grandma never gets sick". She also told me about the bay areas economic forecast since I've been daydreaming about relocation. The real reason she called was to inquire about my love life. She had a dream I was walking along, hand in hand with a mister. My mister. I laughed and asked her if he was handsome.

Grams is a funny old woman. She raised me in many ways and it's no secret I am her golden child. She's always been my support. A singular pillar that holds up my hopes and dreams. She's everything a grandmother should be...in addition to being a fierce little thing. I've always internalized her personality and from her I've inherited quite an attitude. Like her, I am equal parts affectionate and aggressive, borderline malicious.

You can't blame the woman, she grew up during tough times (born 1941, Guangzhou province). She's always taught me to defend myself and my own. She's got this idea in her head that most people are out to get you to get theirs. Those people will eventually repay their karmic debt, especially if you can deliver the lesson to them. She's got a sharp tongue and is prone to let somebody know about themselves. She is not what you'd picture a nice old lady to be. My grandmother keeps it real.

She's also as superstitous as it gets. Makes me wear stones for protection. Hangs things in my room to ward off evil intentions. Places plants in my room to act as an energy detox. Treatens to beat my ass if I take down or rearrange the things she's left... for my own good. And when she dreams about me, she is always at attention.

When I was 12, she went across the country. My aunt had just had her first child and she had gone to care for them both. While she was there she had a reoccurring dream. In this dream she was back home in a village. After a few successive nights in this area, she realized it was my fathers village. During these dreams a man would speak to her. He had a birthmark that covered half of his face. In these nightly visits, this anonymous man would tell my grandmother she had to return to us. That we needed her. She would try to explain her situation, but his message was always the same. She said that after a few of these dreams, that this man was joined by a women and they would implore her to go.

When she heard the news that both my sister and I had been hit by a car, she immediately knew who they were. She is convinced it was my paternal grandparents who had visited her, she said it was the birthmark.

I have a bond with my grandma that's stronger then anyone else in my life. I know she loves me more than anything. She remembers things about me, moments in my life that I've suppressed. She was my memory before I had one and she knows me better than I know myself. She's never told me I could not accomplish something and has been more of a mother to me than my own. It's part of the reason I want to go to San Francisco so badly. I want to be closer to unconditional love.