The way of my will

I want to run away. I'd like to land in open arms. It's going to happen one day, but it seems today makes it hard to visualize tomorrow. Don't mind me, it's just the mental exhaustion speaking. I guess I realized today I'll never be happy with just one thing. I've got to have everything and to some degree of abundance. My ego will have nothing less.

I'll do it all one day. Everything that I set out for and all the things my heart dreams. Some day far away I'll sit back in my rocker. A cup of tea and a gentle breeze, all I need for a good day dream. Stories of my youth, etched in wrinkles that mark my skin. Essays of my accomplishments. I'll write a book as soon as I am able. I'm going to do it all by the end of my days.

While I was writing a cover letter, I realized that I sound like a crazy dreamer. Some could take that as a scatter brain, which is not something I'd like a possible employer to think. So I had to limit parts of myself for the sake of job security. To be honest, it killed me a little bit. Why do people doubt the possibilities? Carl Sagan said it right. We've been discouraged as children to ask the right questions. Conditioned to avoid the chase of our ideal visions. I will have none of that.

I don't care what the world has to say. By the end of all this, you'll see what I'm made of (and that's very tough stuff). I'm very familiar with both physical and mental labor and fatigue is a friendly foe of mine. Regardless of your doubts and what you see as a shameful waste of my time, I'm going to do it anyways. The only thing I see is that I am willing to give up simple first world luxuries where you can't seem to find it in you to care about another human being.

This is where I'm being a dreamer: I feel it in my bone (marrow). I'm going to find what I need, but it won't be here. I'm going to run away, but I'm not running away. That's just how I move - fast. I'll be back in due time for I have people to take care of. It's my duty, but I still have a duty to myself. Forgive me when I make you unhappy. Find it in your heart to love me when I leave you.