Just have to keep forward

Neglect understanding, it's the easiest avenue. What is it about my sour moods that make me want to turn into a hellion? Like one moment in time and the switch is made. I go from sweet apple pie with a slice of cheddar to a raging beast. A beast that nurtures it's aggression like it's young. I've been keeping control of my anger, but today it's been harder to hold. It's one of those moments where I stop myself from acting because I know the result will be a massacre. I lay there and imagine putting the heel of my foot into the bridge of your nose. To destroy the things you take value in with a base ball bat. I want to destroy people and the things they love, especially if that extends into family. That one saying, death is too good, is the basis of my thoughts. That's why I've included your extended love ones into my target audience.

I wish I could stop this feeling from consuming me whole. I'm not myself when I feel this way. I can't control my thoughts and the consequence of my actions leaves scar tissue. My head is so chaotic I can't speak. I can't think. I can only suppress my urges to relieve my anger by killing something. Or get stoned. I could get stoned. I could hurt myself.

That's the thing. People want me to go to them when I'm this way. It's such a sad repetitive behavior that my friends pick up on it and threaten me if I don't go to them. At such a time, how can they expect me to know the way to them? I'm lost in the forest and no one's giving me the fucking map and where the hell am I?